Tramacet

Is awesome. This is the new med my doc gave me to manage pain and that is exactly what it does. T3's never do much for me, likely because to me Tylenol is like filler. This one also has acetaminophen, but instead of codeine it has tramadol and I guess that is just different enough for my brain for it to work. It is not too strong, does not give me a fuzzy head, and dulls the pain for about three hours... so just what I need to give me relief when at work. And the relief is such a freakin relief. So good to feel just a gap in the pain. You realize just how narrow your focus is when you are consumed by pain... it is all about getting through things. Just a bit of pain relief and my memory improves, my communication skills improve, my concentration improves and I can think ahead as well as think more than one thing at a time.

My aura right now

This is what you get with grainy vision, visual slow of a billion sparkles and then some big old white waves. It is amazing I can see at all.

Stoic

I went to the ER finally. I suppose after two weeks of one solid brutal migraine in this insufferable heat it was inevitable and I should have gone last week. There is nothing about the ER experience that I like, thus why I avoid it. There is the long wait, there is the random doctors, there is the random treatment, the light, the fact that whatever they do might be completely ineffective or just as good as what I would do with what I have. So I avoid it and avoid it, and suffer and suffer until I feel like just chopping my head off and being done with it... then I go.

This time was not all that bad, ER experience wise. They put me on the IV, which is good and rarely done. They put me on Torodal, which unless it is in IV form tends not to work all that well. And then added in this anti-nausa thing in the mix which is said to be good for migraines in particular. Together the two drugs to it, where the Toradol by itself oddly was not. Either way, the migraine is still there but way diminished in capacity.

The RN was a pleasant fellow with a good sense of humor. He was amazed I made it two weeks before coming in. Called me stoic. I had to laugh at that... but not a ha ha laugh, more a ain't-that-sad laugh. Those two weeks were driving me mad... I had a moody pity party, a snarky fit for a bit, a lethargic I don't give a damn day, and then just some days where I could not even think past the pain. But stoic, yes. Chronic migraines, means running around doing things in the bright light with a migraine cause you have to, which is pretty damn stoic.

And this time the ER did a good job and so logically it makes sense that next time I have a status migraine brewing I should go when most people would... but I won't. I won't because I think I can handle it, I think this next abortive will do it, or more sleep or whatever and I am just too damn stoic. Ms. Super Pain Tolerance Chick. But I am not proud of it, the fact that I need to function in conditions most people would be down for the count just makes me a little sad. But that is the life, such as it is.

This heat is killer on the brain

I have this course I need to take in the city, an hour commute. I hate commuting and there is a very good reason for that. It means I need to get up early, when I sleep poorly as is, and am not exactly fucntion in the early mornings... due to meds and morning migraines. By the time I get where I am going, because of light and lack of sleep, I will likely have a migraine. In this case I did, so I battle that and half suceed. Then the ride home... I have no air conditioning, it is cooking hot outside, and twice that in the care. My migraine went from gettin-bad to horrific within minutes. My vision was doubled and hazy, my head throbbing intensely, my aura bright and distracting and the pain sooo intense. By the time I got home I wished I was dead and then had to try and battle that beast, and unfortunately only got it down to manageable rather than victory. So drug tally... two abortives and four T3s and little relief. And getting up even earlier tommorow to do the same damn thing. These two days are going to be very, very painful. Since I am already in status migraine mode, this may be the straw that breaks me and I end up forced to go to the ER. I swear next time I am just going to refuse and take one either by distance learning or the training centre we have here at work... some people do not travel as well as others.

Had my MRI

Which should have been done eons ago, and really does not do much except check to make sure they are not missing something. It does nothing to help me right now, in chronic pain hell. However, it did prove I still have a brain... which is good... I was beginning to wonder. Having an MRI is a lot like lying in a coffin, but the cemetary is doing massive and loud constrution. I went in with a migraine, so it is not like the noise made it worse. I did find it a little hard to lie still, because for some reason today is a whopping bad FMS pain day and I felt like I had been beaten with a stick from my middle back down to my toes... so I kept wanting to twitch and had to flex between scans. But at least it was not a twitchy bobble head migraine day... i would have been there for hours.

I was slightly tempted to go to the ER while I was there and have this eight day migraine from hell taken care of while I was there... but this hospital is larger and ergo packed waiting room and four hours later I would get even less sleep than I did last night. Plus, there was a woman there vomiting profusely, which told me a) if she was not at the top of the que then I would be way way down at the bottom and b) I would probally get some rare and horrible disease from the waiting room alone, like the swine flu or some such thing because that is how lucky I am. But I really should slip into the ER here sometine soon, cause this migraine is not buding an inch. And as such my brain is going to moosh. I was late for work today, because I woke up late but I have no idea how that happened, since the alarm went off... apparently I hit snooze for an hour and a half that I do not remember... and that is always a bad sign. Too bad an MRI does not pick up pain, then at least they would know what they were dealing with.

powerful migraines, pending MRI and poor moods

Obviously, again, I am stubborn and should go to the ER. If I thought they could help maybe I would. At this point, this beast of a migraine cannot be helped. I switch abortives, but then it would be a day of no abortives to do so, and that does not seem to be happening. I need an abortive either straight in the morning, or a few hours later, and it does not last... so then I either need another or use T3s, and the T3s do not pack a powerful punch. I have already been going on five or more days straight with the abortive, which is a no-no, as the ache in my chest demonstrates, but to get to work that it what needs to be done. T3s are not much of a rescue med when you have to use them and your abortive to get through the day.

Anyway, been hellish. I have my MRI on Monday. But really an MRI is just to exclude other things and will not help in any way with my current chronic migraine state. It will prove that I still have a brain, which I am beginning to doubt, but that is about it. My doc just ordered it because of the increase in other symptoms... like that crazy weeks of nausea, muscle twitches and jerks and numbness. It should have been done long ago, so time to get it done anyway. He also sent me for back massages, which I still have yet to go for, not because I don't need them, because damn do I ever, but because with a whopping migraine after work I really do not want to do anything but get home and curl up and wish for oblivion. But I have to get going with that, my neck is crimping something fierce on some of these vicious migraine days. But really when it comes down to it, as these more chronically chronic migraines do not seem to be settling down, I will be seeing if I can get to see the nuero again. I like my nuero, I just get wary with changing meds, as in the past it usually resulted in a three month horrific adjustment period that ends up with me taking leave from work, which is precisely what I am trying to avoid.

But, on the plus side, my mood improved. Not exactly back to my goofy self yet, because the pain is leaving its mark on me, haunting me, but at least it was better than the funk I had on since Friday. So that is something. I would hate to be stuck with a mood like that for too long... that is the sort of mood that makes chronic migraine sufferers jump off cliffs and such. Hard not to get in a mood like that once in a while, sometimes hard to shake it, but really who does not throw a good pity party for themselves once in a while when they are being driven mad with pain?

Killer migraines getting the best of me this month

I just can't get rid of this killer migraine I have. It is making my neck hurt and kink up so that it hurts like hell to bend it forward. I can't sleep because the angle on the pillow seems to make my head hurt more, and the ringing in my ears is louder than the background music I have and the throbbing makes me feel like my fricken head has a pulse. It is of course hormonal migraines and of course it is a battle every damn month, but most times I have a handle on it... in the whole balancing different meds and suffering through what slips through the gaps. This month though i am scrambling to keep up and totally failing. The pain is damn near killing me and there is a point when it is intolerable and in the middle of the night that I wish it would already. I am also frightfully moody as a result. I just can't shake this bad mood that hit me on Friday and is having a lingering effect on me that is both unpleasant and irritating. I am in too much damn pain to think about anything other than my piss poor mood. I did not go into work today, which makes me feel ten different ways of horrible and incompetant, but when the pain is that bad there is no choice. A half day would have worked if I could have just tempered the pain a bit, but no such luck. When i finally managed to get some sleep I thought I could sleep the migraine away, but that did not work. however, it did lessen the pain and I did, at last, get some sleep. Tonight, I am going to take two sleeping pills and try to get some solid sleep and maybe that will kick this... if not, then I am going to be in a right foul mood for work tommorow and have to resort to going to the ER after, the ER being of course my last resort, that bit of desperation of the hopes that someone can just get rid of the pain for me, but the reason it is a last resort is because in-itself it is a long painful venture that only has maybe a 20% success rate and going through that entire process without a result can be hell on the morale.

I would love to just redirect you to the new site...

But sadly the redirect function doesn't function. I will continue to persist hitting it and see if it will eventually do something. Or s...